Head up love yourself because if you dont how do you expect others to love you and dont beg or say you will do anything or offer to change it will not work . The right man will respect what you have been through, he will be patient and kind and above most understanding. For 20 years of birthdays and Christmass And everything we built I got a garbage bag of clothes. I explained I couldnt make it and walked away. He needs space to find himself. Please take heart in that. These tips may help you let go of the past, including someone who hurt you. He isnt coming back and I have accepted that as he has now told me so many times now and he just a new life without me in it. The reason I write this is again there is evil and i have seen it all my life but the most important thing to remember is the signs people give. I just want to know what people think, and if anything would help. The relationship causes you to feel bad about yourself, both before, during and after being together. I noticed subtle differences in her towards me, emotionally. It's even cited as one of the events that often trigger a bout of depression in the first place. Keep me posted on how things are going for you. Youre an excellent father and she should be happy to have you. I also found out she was picking up meds for patients . Very young we started off mid teens. We were happy, we valued each others company, we always went through any hardships together. I always made a big deal out of xmas for each other, the tree, silly stuff. Im thinking of not paying the bills next month and moving out while shes away. Their loss. This isnt him. My wife is leaving me after 24 years and I was great to her and she even admitted it but got bored with me and started treating me terrible. The next day she betrayed me again and left to this other mans bed. After a marriage of almost 25 years, I left my wife. Do not allow someone to ever make you feel less or wrong. My husband of 20years has just told hes leaving me that hes not in love with me anymore and has been living a lie for the past year!! Her loss. My original post would have sounded very similar to yours here. my wife is never contented with the marriage and she keeps packing even with no good reason leaving the kids behind.the other day i had visited her she told me that i shld train to stay without her because she can leave me and get married 2 another man.i have really sacrificed 4 the good survival of this marriage bt i just feel that the push has come 2 shove and its the high time i let it go 4 the sake of my life ,assist please, Thank you for your comment, Paul. Thank you for your response! But now it's been only two weeks since he left and . His father, a minister, married us. Remember : you dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be faithful and loyal to you. So just like you want to be loved and cared for, he wants the same thing. First he started four days after our wedding to over communicate in the internet and made sure that I dont see what he does. I figured it just didnt work out with them but now our baby is 10 months and he does not pay bills help clean help with the kids. That happened to a friend of mine and he a lot of her settlement and then spent it and then got divorced and she couldnt get it back. Very timely My partner of 27 years has said hes had enough. I wish it on no one.. Praying for you Wayne as I hope you pray for me.. Miracles still happened.. I now no longer can afford to live near my children and my job is a roaming goverment contracting job. I totally agree, people shouldnt feel like they can just leave if the spark is not there anymore. She was doctor shopping for pills. I thought everything was going well, we were hitting on better than ever, having more fun talking more, I felt confident things were going well as he told me they were. While I understand we didnt have the perfect marriage and living situations, I never saw this coming. A few days ago out of the blue he said he wants to split up. Shell be fine, but I will be a mess. Hi Andy If you dont nurture your marriage it will wither and die. My organs were beginning to shut down, and I wound up at the hospital. Only we have a son together. I cry all the time. In fact, sometimes he can seem to be downright miserable. CassieD Im in Pennsylvania. Wow harsh, I could swear that was written for me sheesh. Sounds really immature when I look back over it now. It is so heart braking, that I can feel my heart hurt.My husband makes our marriage failure my fault. Im having problems inmy marriage righy now. I believe I have behaved exemplary throughout and my heart is broken. Except that I became his punching bag for him, for every bad day he had, every opinion or suggestions I had in discussions would trigger a denigrating response from him. Then what, it is just so sad. I am going through something similar too. I realised then this was serious and we were in trouble. he left his family for another women who is 25 and pregnant now, she has a daughter that she lost custody of because of drugs and he is now doing drugs. this feels like a nightmare for me and its hard for me to cope with on a daily basis. Said she didnt love me and turned to her boss. He moved his girlfriend in right after he did this. And not a psychopath. I begged begged prayed prayed prayed and became closer to god than I ever had been in my life.. my wife slept in a coma state almost ever day for over a year. Ive been with my wife over 12 years married over 2. He seems to be always angry at somebody or some thing. Hey there all. Thats not a man.. I will keep this no contact for as long as humanly possible. Each counselor has said the same thing, he is focused on himself. You will get through it. . Anyone looking in from the outside would say Im a fool. They would go to the same school dances. "You're being ridiculous.". Its been a year and i havent moved on and i try so hard.ive had therapy. I have spent hours on my knees crying out to God and he has been merciful. He often jokes about leaving his wife. I hope u can sort your situation so you are not left rearing the kids by yourself. It does not DEFINE you. So, when you believe your husband is having a midlife crisis, most wives find it very hard to do nothing. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I feel dead inside. My wifes response was a complete shock I truly believed she still loved me as much as I have always loved her she was my only love I have never loved anyone else and I never once fell out of love with her and in actuality I was the romantic in our marriage. If you loved me he wouldnt of left me. We are separated now for 6 months. If its meant to be it will happen! They are fine. All of a sudden we move and after 32 years of marriage, recently he left with a girl who is my youngest daughters age her late 20s. Her behaviour to me changed and she became distant, rude and put me on the back burner. Im fairly sure he had affairs, he cheated a lot before when we were together, lied so much, did drugs and lost his job while I was pregnant. I worked he didnt because of surgeries. He said it shouldnt be more than 2 hours. Travelling back and forth abroad to see her. I did offer that he gets help but of course it was nothing wrong with him. Ive lost my best friend, majority of custody of my daughter, my family home, my values and my wife. Ill never forget the date. Its very sad but I want her happy. We will pay 25 for every Letter to (please write about 600-700 words), Playlist, Snapshot or We Love to Eat we publish. I thought we had a happy life but apparently I did not have a happy wife.she never told me anything, never discussed it or mentioned it. Depressed partners regret leaving very often, yes, but it should not be a pattern. When your children were young, you probably used to have fun and spend time with them. The one you left feelings dont matter no more?? Problems arise when you leave the house early, barely speaking to or connecting with your wife before you dash out the door. There is a large age gap, which wasnt a problem at first, but now he works all the time and only cares about money. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it doesnt work that way. I have a client who went to their parents house with their young child after going through a brutal abandonment in their marriage, and they told me it was the best decision they have made, she says. And some families have one parent. After finally loosing respect for him I no longer feel the pain. Part of me wants him to come Home and tell me you made a big mistake. We didnt argue, had some physical relations which I thought meant she was bisexual. I am in counseling 1x a week and just started a low dose of a antidepressant pill. Of course, you work. It makes it easier to reach this point again. .. Ill need it but Ill make it xo, I disagree with your statement about personality disorders. 3. Take your life back, It is yours to live!! You have to let go of the past and move on with your life. Dont you think you deserve better than that???? I hope to find a better job and will be the best dad I can be to my kids. Hating him will only make it harder for you to move on with your life and put this marriage in the past where it belongs. To which I protested and she got off the phone with me. When you are together you experience feeling tired and unfulfilled. Without her, I would not be here to tell this story., Often our first is when we are young, in high school even. Thanks CassieD. Then I found out she was getting more meds from a dentist at times . This has always worked well for us. The only items I had were a bag of clothes and a computer. Very interesting info!Perfect just what I was searching for! I feel exactly the same as you They got a place July 3. Even after this I still love/loved him, but I had no idea what to do or how to proceed. You think I wanna sit and have thanksgiving dinner with you? I still love her since I said I do. I have struggled with anger issues for quite a large portion of my life. . I have never felt so humiliated in all my life. No matter how much you hated your husband for leaving you, the fact is, he still loves you. Just pity those who fall for his charm in believing in him its only a matter of time before they will find how false he is . Very true . He did not handle all of it well and went behind my back and hired an attorney, took a large amount of money out of our savings and then a couple months later filed for divorce, all while living with me and our family, going to counseling and being intimate with me. She still has the full to snub her nose to cheaters on tv etc but I cant help feel like she took what we had and made it into the worst jerry Springer show imaginable and shes not even sorry she did it. The first time was right after I had our first child. They will never know how grateful I am. He did, yet he got everything he wanted. My bf of 4 years we lived together pretty much the whole time with my now 6 yr old son 2 when he met him. For me, this is still a very difficult situation to get through. What did you do to cause her to leave? This is one of the best articles Iv read on goodtherapy so far. Then quite quickly our arguments started becoming more fatal & terminal. my wife of 25 years had a facebook affair with a strange man from the UK she had this affair online for eight months.and they met only 10 month after his wife died. The whole that used to be my heart was devastated. much love, Gina. And that makes it hard to think about anything else. It seems that 3 weeks before my writing her my history and my concerns for us, she had an affair. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend. We looked at the rings on Friday in my favorite shop went in tried on a ring I had seen months before , on the evening we had family and friends over. Just found out my husband of almost 9 years is cheating on me online with a gay person. my wife just left me refused to talk or tell our two children and left it all to me in the midst of all my anger and hurt this has caused my kids to completely disown their mother even thou I have asked and beg them to have contact and an on going relationship with her . I know it sounds like a hard thing to hear, but sometimes when people get divorced their whole lives change. I think on diffrent levels most of us suffer with anxiety, depression. She went off to Arizona to stay with friends and get away from me. Please. And also pointing out that you did state youll be using he/she alternately so as to not take sides which means that it could be by any partner. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. The GoodTherapy.org Team. He started arguements out of no where and said it was me. Well, back story. Its been a week and everyday I tell her I love her and she never says it back, the week she wanted the separation I had a sezuire and she was right there beside the hospital bed crying and even when we went home she had trouble sleeping wanting to make sure Im was ok then a couple days later boom she leaves me. Over the years we had many issues. Any words of inspiration would be appreciated, although the way Im feeling right now, I dont know if they would be of any comfort. Beg me to take you back and act like youre sorry for all that hurt, all that damage and that you would never ever again and know that will probably take another 20 years to truly believe you. So there are a lot of things you can do to help you get over the loss of your husband: Those are just a few of the most important things you can do to get over your sadness. I am ashamed to have to say it but I can only accept what is and continue to try to be the best father I can for them each and every weekend when I get them. It wasnt until I became a single parent that I really began to understand how much of a taboo subject it still is. Dog depression is similar to the kind we as humans experience. (Her x comitted suicide when I met her). Thats her me time and its insulting I dare ask that. There had been so many years apart and having four children between the two of us makes moving forward difficult to say the least. We have a beautiful son together. My lawyer was shocked too and worked hard at just getting the things my mom gave me. But she left me with all unnecessary fear and stick to her parents decisions who doesnt know the ground reality but imagineIm praying to god please pray for me. Once you get past the initial sadness, you will be able to take advantage of your life again. Please try to get some structure in your and your sons life. Your partner must understand that they cannot resort to breaking up every time they're feeling overwhelmed by life's challenges. He works with her and finds her intellectually stimulating. 2. Sage, yah that sounds like an affair and it sounds like she is admitting to it in her own way. She was also getting mess from her primary doctor as well. And worst of all, my spirit is broken. I have spoke with him hundreds of times about sticking together when problems would arise with the girls. I have recently been told by my wife that she is divorcing me. My cousins came with wine and food almost every weekend after the break-up. In fact I think I hate him more now than I did then. Your partner felt like you became more like a sibling than a partner. Where are you at spiritually and mentally? Best wishes! My husband left me and I am wondering how you are feeling? But, when we moved we had to give away everything we owned or sell what we could. And i did love her very much at the time, thinking that i was going to spend the rest of my life with her as well. Pray, Give it to God and keep Faith. Its so sad that 6 minths after he one-sidedly decided that OUR marriage was over, we are already divorced. After months and months of lies raising our daughter alone and pregnant I have birth to our son while in labor I drove myself to the hospital after my water broke he was in and out of the room on his phone texting talking etc well that very night I had my beautiful baby he was holding him while his guy friend came to visit well his phone went off and thats when I found out with my own eyes he had been lying and was with another girl. At 42 they are prime examples of men going through Mid Life crisis. I was not an angel but I dont think I deserve the treatment Im receiving. It sounds like hes pretty unhappy, and possibly with himself. I always thought , feared she may leave me when Im older and it happened! After my heart attack I found out she was talking to an ex boyfriend, having an emotional affair. As the spouse of a narcissist, I am the one with the problemthe one who is too sensitive, the one who cannot take a joke. He has no emotion or seems to even care. I know this awful feeling so well. That which works against you actualy works for you. She knows not what she does. Tell her how much you want it to work & that you can change those things. Im devastated. I hate myself and have become a hermit. Now mid 20s. Yes, God wants you to be happy, but not at the expense of the greater good that HE knows needs to happen. He has disconnected from your relationship and has "one foot out the door" so to speak. They lost a mom too it sounds. Maybe that was the final straw. The obvious answer is he is sleeping with the friend. Is he really going to his parents house? 3 grown daughters. I wish you all the best A year and half later my wife decided to cheat on me with my next door neighbour (touching not sex and the lead in emotional affair) I never really got a good reason to why it happened and she didnt really seem sorry for her actions I struggled with this blow and the trust I had for her was shattered. She is smart and healthy. She returns for a few days. Do Saturday comes and she calls me. First of all i feel sorry for you i know where your coming from.my wife left me after 16 yrs. I want to believe that it is all a nightmare and that she will wake me up any moment and forgive my past You will overcome this! I asked my wife to meet me when she got off work which was later and later than years ago. My break up was a combination of factors above and under each one Andra (the author) has captured the essence. He simply needs to find his happiness, he just wants to be happy. We got a house then tried for another baby. Part of me thinks shes simply selfish and refuses to work out our problems. She speaks highly of him and is really attracted to him. Now after we talked I was able to ask her to allow me time to change I went to visit her and we really hit it off Look for ways you were critical or controlling. I just dont understand why Im not good enough for him. Her husband left her too because he has another woman. I feel horrible for all of us. 1. Six months where I have stayed silent on this topic because of the guilt and . I froze that moment then 6 years later I was traumatized again. We did everything together, literally. He is talking of selling the family home. So we come home and a week later she leaves again and stays gone almost two weeks. Live in new Jersey have 4 kids. I thought it was just a phase and didnt think anything of it until I found a phone number of a girl in his wallet. Life can throw some major challenges your way. Very true unfortunately people have no gratitude and are not satisfied with what they have only look at what they dont, Grass always greener on the other side and want what others have got even if that destroys there own lives or someone elses. You will recover and you will be loved xxx, Hi, 1. I was unemployed a year after leaving the Army due to a medical retirement. Great resource for those hurting, and I mean real hurting. Im married since 11 months my wife is very sensitive and warm hearted.. I cant imagine being in this apartment we have been in for so long together and staring at all the memories and these walls and being able to move on and be happy. 6 months ago my wife of 6 years been together now going on 9 years looks over at me and says she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore. If you think your husband is depressed too, and you're trying to save your marriage . I was,filled with hope. My husband was self-centered and his way or the highway, very critical and emotionally abusive, cold, cold, cold but we were always able to make up and have hung I n there 26years. I had made all the food and he had left it all behind. "It is the same thing, over and over with you.". He is going back to his daddys at 30 years old because he will have no responsibility. Im questioning whether he really knows what love is xo I do. And you can also earn back their trust by showing them that you can change. I just wanted a quick fix or at least something that made it definite, an answer, to know there was someone else.I wish I had something else to tell you. Unfortunately these pieces need to meet the reader where he or she is, so there will definitely be different perspectives based on the context of each individuals situation. My youngest is only five. And you cant necessary believe everything she says. Forgiveness is a choice, and when you make the decision and act on it, the feelings will eventually be there. Sure, I knew things had not been great between us, but I never thought she would leave! I feel blessed every day just to have what I have, even in this situation at least I have two beautiful kids. I work part time supporting in a school. Our process took 3 months but shes ready to move on and man, we just have to as well. Now . I dont hit her I dont drink I dont do drugs I take date of the kids so I dont understand how come it hurts me so much and not her and why she left and isnt willing to work on it at all. We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. You will probably find things thaT you might enjoy to do that you could not do before. As hard as it might be to hear, there might have been some ongoing issues that had not been dealt with, which is why it might seem unexpected for one partner, but it has been brewing under the surface for a while, says Diana Garcia, a licensed mental health counselor from Weston, Florida. Best wishes to you, hope you find a healthy way to consume your time and helps you start the process! And he got away with it, because if the corrupt Judicial system. Any help and opinions would be gratefully appreciated. Youll be ok. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. Usually it is a combination of both, dont you think? Im not happy being left out. No matter I am around my kids but his stuff is all over her place. On Valentines day, she decided to tell me she doesnt love me and has in fact hated me for the last 15 years, though showed no signs of it. I loved him dearly and I still do, I had resentment built up because he didnt always treat me the best. They are together now. I think he is waiting to see about this house he is looking at. Im sorry but she has a mind of her own and can make her own mind. He lied to me while he still lived here after he decided we should separate and told me there was no one else when he was already texting this girl behind ny back. Get pleasable. Hi Susan, I feel for you. Had to move out of my house as his business is next door. Now our oldest daughter is living with her across town and trying to make sure she doesnt do herself too much harm drinking herself unconsciousness (appears wine is no longer evil) or otherwise. In the same boat. Found out that my daughter saw mom stapling $100 bills into $1000 bricks. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. Submit your own storyhere, andsubscribeto our free newsletter for our best stories. Just be prepared if you do this, you may see certain things that can really hurt you. He had over the years became grumpy and this only got worse. Everyday I just want to die, because I have seen and felt the worst evil I have ever known.. Its an interesting perspective because I dont feel like I did anything, but if you asked my husband he would say that my lack of emotion towards him and response when he says he tried to reach out to me, time and time again, is the reason that he left. And if she cant see that its her loss. Hes dating without any problem Im sure. Carrie and Al are actively seeking help and support. I do recall a few conversations over a ten-year period of him claiming that he needed more from me, more connection or communication. I was up all night waiting for her and when she got home at 8 am, it really hit the fan. It is natural to . I feel like having the high moral ground vindicates me but the article recommends not using it. Being a husband and a dad every day. I didnt understand it at all l would always tell him if you want to be with other people please jut let me know l do not wish to be a part of that. Whats your love story and is it compatible with your partners? I was very scared and nervous . Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. He wanted to book a holiday for me and my daughter( not his child bit they have become so close she shes him and loves him like s dad) and stay in the house with us pretend everything was fine and tell my daughter before we went away that we were splitting up and he would be gone when we got back,!! If you are not than this is a problem that needs solved, as I am sure you would be right at his side if roles were reversved. Seems he mailed her interior vibrators to enhance their sessions. Im not sure what exactly he was looking for, perhaps just being very emotionally transparent on an every day basis? My wife is leaving me after 11 years of marriage. I found this wholly inappropriate and said as much. Its mind blowing. Now after he left you what 5 months ago you still have his stuff everywhere and clothes and golf clubs. I still would. And just this week has gone away with just him on a business trip over seas.